12 ways to improve your Facebook image

   I have created a list that will vastly improve your social media experience and image. Consider this a lesson in PR. 

1. If you are a civil, decent person you won't argue with anyone via your page. Instead you'll screen shot said unpleasant comment, privately text a friend and viciously discuss how stupid that person is.
2. If you have something to say to someone, you won't say it to them, instead you'll post a passive-aggressive inspirational quote that directly applies to the person in question and hashtag the word truth. Sometimes it's acceptable to tag a friend who will excitedly agree. "Soooo true, OMG!"
3. Never post real struggles because as far as social media is concerned you live a perfect life full of unicorns and rainbows. 
4. If you take a personality test only share the results that color you in a unique way. Or even better, retake the test ten times till it says you are a born leader full of wisdom and class. "You were Jesus in your past life!" 
5. Progress pictures of your fitness journey can and should be deeply photo-shopped and filtered.
6. Never delete people whose lives are train wrecks. They must be carefully followed and discussed with your friends who have it together.
7. Screen shot texts where you've said something especially clever because everyone should be privy to your comedic genius.
8. Egg on and encourage your average children to do and say "the darndest things" so everyone thinks they're prodigies.
9. Always post gourmet meals you've cooked and arrange the food perfectly for the picture. Don't ever photograph your plate after you've heaped another thirteen helpings on because...#portioncontrol.
10. Annoy everyone with your political and religious beliefs. Before posting your thoughts make sure you include a warning that you'll be offending everyone, because that's polite. "Be warned this is gonna offend some of you, but if you voted for Obama, you're a moron." Finish with #sorrynotsorry, so while displaying online etiquette, you're also showing you can and will make an unashamed stand.
11. If you post a selfie claim you did so out of boredom because vanity is only acceptable under extreme apathy.
12. Share my blog. ;)